“Nothing gets up my goat as much as splashbandits trying to steal my lucky charms” remarked the ever candid and often misunderstood Rock.
As expressions of interest grew from Darndale to Loughrea, Lenny has taken drastic measures to ensure any new team recruits fit in to the current team seamlessly and are there for all the right reasons.
“We have designed a rigorous recruiting process the likes of which has never been seen before. This team is like a finely engineered German luxury car. One wrong part and the entire engine will misfire. We can’t afford to get this wrong” Commented the O’Tooles Stalwart Rock.
Rock collaborated with some of the worlds finest management consultants to craft a questionnaire to test everything from personality-type and emotional intelligence to key psychometric traits and ambidexterity. The survey can be seen below:
- At half time during a Division Nine Hurling Game, I turn to you, grab myself by my man boobs and shaking them intensely. What is your reaction?
- Is your waist 36 plus?.
- What are your views on ground hurling?
- What is your age bracket? 17 – 35; 35 to 42; 42 to 46; 46 plus
- What is your feeling on assault with a deadly weapon?
- Can you use both sides of the hurl?
- How would you rate yourself as an umpire from 1-10?
- What is your feeling on Mongolian Traditional Music?
- Can you run 100 meters in less that 45 seconds?
- If you saw a blind man at traffic lights, would you help him or ignore him?
- Do you respect stupid people?
- Can you jump 6 inches off the ground?
- It is a Sunday Morning, you are drunk. Do you stay in bed or go out playing hurling?
- Do you have friends?
- The referee doesn’t turn up for a match, you are asked to give your gear to another player and ref the match. What is your reaction?
- Are you from a county that is considered a hurling stronghold?
I look forward to you responses. On receipt of your responses, we will assess and revert back to your within 7 working days.
Rock commented that upon passing this initial questionnaire, candidates will move on to an interview process followed by several grueling fitness tests, two weeks of altitude training and a minimum alcohol intake baseline test. “We don’t have room for guys here that have been brought up on JR’s and Chipsticks, this is win at all costs stuff!”said the straight-talking Rock.
At this rate, It looks like 2015 could be another marquee year for the F’ers.